The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
