just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
