i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
