he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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