the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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