Do you still have your period?
if i can run in heels then i can drive
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
