remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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