Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
