Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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