how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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