I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
