considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
