It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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