A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
