Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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