just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
