The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
