You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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