if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Randomize
