At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
