Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
