i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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