I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
