Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
