i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
