He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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