i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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