Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
