i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
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Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
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He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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