awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize