the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
