It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
