Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
