girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
