I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
