having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
