did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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