JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
