I would go down on you faster than GM stock
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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