Jerry, you need to find god
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
