I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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