i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
You don't make any sense
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