Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
