All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
