if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
