i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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