Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
