well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
