We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
