You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
