i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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