How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize