dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
