why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
