You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
