Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
