I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
