maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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