i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
