I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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