if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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