Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
