i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Girls should come with a carfax report
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
