I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I need to align my fucking chakras
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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