I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my shit smells like andre
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
