No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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