theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
