You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
