I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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