I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dignity is for republicans.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is Oprah even human
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
