I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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