census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
