he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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