so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
