I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Randomize
